Why is my baby crying?

Having a baby of any age is a lot of hard work and worry, but the thing I always find most stressful and worrying is when my baby is crying. There are so many different reasons why they might be upset and we’re supposed to just know what their cries mean - right? Well I can tell you after having two that I still have to work my way through my list of possible reasons why they might be crying.

I do find over time I have gotten used to certain cries - pain is the big one, that one I can identify in a heartbeat. Whether it be from a fall, teething or stomach pain etc there’s no mistaking it. It literally wrenches my heart! You may find that you can identify certain cries too - hunger, teething, boredom and so on, but occasionally you may find that when you try to comfort your baby nothing seems to work.

I wanted to share the list I mentally work my way through when my baby is crying in this way. It helps me to try to identify what it is I can do to make them feel better. Although many of these points can be used for all babies/toddlers I am mainly referring to very young babies - newborn to 1 year old.

I’ve created a helpful list which you can download either to print or save to your phone as an image below.

If you think that your baby is in need of medical attention or something just doesn’t seem right then please do get in touch with your GP (Mon-Fri during working hours), 111 (out of hours or weekend) or 999 (in an emergency) depending on how severe you think it is. Your instinct is such a powerful thing and if you’re ever worried don’t just ignore it.

If your baby has any of the following call 999 and ask for an ambulance:

• If they have a fit (seizure or convulsion)

• If their skin is blue, mottled, ashen (grey) or very pale

• If they are breathing rapidly or making a throaty noise while breathing, or seem to be working hard to breathe, perhaps sucking in their stomach under their ribcage

• If they have a high temperature, but their hands and feet feel cold

• If they have a spotty purple-red rash anywhere on the body or a rash that won’t fade when you press a glass to it – this could be a sign of meningitis

• Other signs of serious illness

Reasons my baby might be crying

Hunger

What it says on the tin! If it’s still early days and you’re struggling to feed them (breast or bottle) then give your health visitor a call for support. Try different feeding positions too. Sometimes if they’re a little more distressed because they’re very hungry it can take them a minute to realise there’s a boob/bottle in their mouth!

Soiled nappy

They may be trying to tell you that their nappy is wet or dirty. Even if you think it’s not very wet sometimes it can be causing discomfort so it can be worth ruling that out. When Artie was a newborn she used to scream because she was hungry AND wanted a nappy change at the same time. She wouldn’t nurse until she had been changed and it was too hard for me listening to her screaming for food.It’s funny looking back on it now but it was pretty difficult trying to change her nappy on the mat with my boob in her mouth at the other end of the table!

Tired or Overtired

Overtired is a thing! If they’ve missed a nap or had a particularly busy day then this is ripe time for being overtired. It can take longer to settle them and when they do settle they may not stay down for long. Make sure your baby is getting the recommended amount of sleep for their age and try to encourage naps when they seem tired. If you can catch them when they’re tired, you can avoid them getting to the point of being overtired.

Overstimulated

Have you ever had one of those moments where suddenly everything around you is just too much? It’s too loud, too bright, there are too many people or things going on and it suddenly reaches a peak and you have to get out for air or a walk? I know I have. Well it can be the same for your baby, especially in unfamiliar environments - new smells, noises, feelings and sights. It can be overwhelming and terrifying.

When this happens take your baby to another room which is quiet and dimly lit, away from all the chaos. It may not seem like chaos to you but your baby has had nine months of warmth with muted noises and light in comparison.

Too hot or too cold

The best way to check their temperature is to feel the back of their neck or their chest. If they feel a little cool to the touch try adding an extra layer. If they feel a bit warm or clammy then they may be too hot. I was so scared I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between my baby just being warm and having a fever. Just trust your instincts because every-time my babies have had a fever or even a raised temperature I’ve noticed immediately just by feeling them. No need for a thermometer, but obviously if you’re not sure it’s a good idea to check.

Bored

My girls get bored so easily! I don’t know why, it isn’t as if I try to give them loads of different activities so that they get used to switching constantly and then get bored when that doesn’t happen. They just seem to have a short attention span for a lot of things! If I get 10 minutes out of an activity (bar the park or messy play) then it’s a good day!

Try mixing it up if you can with different sensory activities, a bath, reading a book, some flash cards or taking a walk.

Separation Anxiety/Wants a cuddle

If you’ve not heard of the fourth trimester, have a read up about it. It basically refers to the 3 months after your baby has been born and is getting used to this new, scary world. During this period your baby may cry more and need a lot more comfort. Take the time to have lots of cuddles and skin to skin if you can.

Later on when your baby is about 10-18 months old, or even as early as 6 months old they will begin to realise you can walk off without them. This can be very distressing for them but is a part of normal development.

Your baby may want your attention and comfort at any age for no seemingly no reason at all. A hug might be enough to make it all better.

Teething or in pain

If your baby has had a small bump or fall, if they’ve recently had their vaccinations or if they are teething they may be in pain. Sometimes all they need is a cuddle but if for example they are teething and not getting better you can try massaging their gums, using teething granules or baby ibuprofen or baby paracetamol (read the packet). Other teething remedies include a teething toy (in the fridge/freezer) or a wet muslin cooled in the fridge or freezer that can be chewed. If you have breast milk handy you can make breast milk ice lollies which can provide some relief too. If you don’t have any teething toys a wooden spoon is a great substitute.

Trapped wind 

This can be so painful and uncomfortable for your baby. It might not necessarily be something you think of either if your baby isn’t usually one that needs to be burped after feeds. I never used to have to burp Artie but Rae had to be burped quite often. Now it’s infrequently so it catches me out sometimes. There are lots of different positions you can try to release trapped wind, I’ll do a separate post about this, but in the meantime look up “wonky winding” - this one has been a lifesaver!

If they have trapped gastric wind - hard stomach, curling their legs up and so on there are lots of positions you can use to help such as cycling the legs, massaging the stomach in a clockwise circular motion and gently bringing the knees up into the stomach. Look out for my post on other techniques soon, but there are lots of YouTube videos out there that can help for now.

Uncomfortable

Your baby may be sat or laid in an uncomfortable position. Or they may be uncomfortable in their clothes, maybe there’s a tag that’s itchy? If I’ve gotten through my list and nothing else has helped I usually strip them down and check their body for rashes. It’s then a good time to try some skin to skin and some new clothes to see if there was a seam or label bothering them, buttons or undone poppers.

Check your baby’s fingers and toes for hairs that might have wrapped around them. This can be really dangerous and cut off blood flow to them. In severe cases it can lead to the loss of a toe or finger.

If you’ve been carrying them and they are in a onesie type outfit check their toes haven’t been squashed in the foot bit as the top part of the onesie rides up. You can check to see if maybe an under layer has moved and is uncomfortable - especially long sleeves under long sleeves.

Going through a leap

The Wonder Weeks app and website talk about 10 periods of increased crying, clinginess and crankiness (the 3 Cs) as developmental “leaps”. There’s science showing that according to when your baby was born you can predict when these times will occur and they usually occur for the predicted length of time. From talking to other parents I’ve found a bit of mixed reviews. Artie (my first) didn’t go through these leaps in an obvious way (in my opinion). She sort of got the 3 Cs for short periods of time but randomly. Rae seems to follow them a lot more closely although she seems to be pretty cranky outside of the leaps anyway.

It’s worth a read and the app is free to download. You can upgrade it and pay but in my opinion the free version gives you enough information and features.

Colic / reflux

This requires a bit more reading elsewhere to and is worth talking to your health visitor or GP about if you suspect your baby may be suffering from either of these.

This list isn’t exhaustive, I’m sure there will be many other reasons too. It's just a guide, you may try to address each one of these points and still find your baby is crying. Unfortunately sometimes there's nothing else you can do apart from be there and comfort your little one.

If you find they are constantly crying you can call Cry-sis on 08451 228 669 (open 9am to 10pm, 7 days a week) or check out their website.

If you find your baby always cries at a certain time such as after or during feeds or in the evening and nothing seems to help note this down and let your GP or health visitor know.

It’s too much

If your baby is still crying or crying constantly it can feel very overwhelming. It’s ok to feel like you can’t deal with the situation anymore and that you’re tired, frustrated or angry. It’s completely normal and ok to feel this way. If there is someone else around that can take the baby for a few minutes while you have a rest then ask them to help.

If you are alone or if there’s no one else around who can help you, put your baby down somewhere safe such as in their empty cot, pram (with safety belt on) or on their play mat - anywhere they won’t hurt themselves. Leave the room, shut the door and take a few breaths. Have five minutes to yourself so that you can look after you too.

If you are stressed or upset your baby will sense this and it won’t be helping them to be comforted. They will be fine for a few moments alone.

It’s easy to start to feel very frustrated, taking this time can really help the situation. No matter how frustrated you get it’s important to never shake your baby as this can cause brain damage.

I really hope that my list helps you get to the bottom of your baby’s crying. Babies seem to cry a lot early on but after about 7 weeks you should find that it starts getting better. Remember they’re little humans with no other way of letting you know how they’re feeling in this big scary world. Even if what you’re trying isn’t working they will still be comforted by your presence and the fact that you’re trying everything to help them.